Yesterday, I was just minding my own business, studying, when a guy from my Medical Imaging class started talking to me. After a few minutes of homework related questions, he said, point-blank, "Are you Mormon". To which I responded yes, followed by him asserting that he was also Mormon and he had figured I was because 1) I had a wedding ring and I was a young woman, 2) I always wore modest clothes (this baffled me as it has been winter/fall for a while here and as far as I can tell, cold-weather clothes are always modest), and 3) I just kind of had that look about me (ha - me! the girl who is quiet and rarely ever talks to anyone in this class and just tries to pay attention during class). So, it turns out he is a Masters student about to graduate with a wife and a baby who is in the Ann Arbor 2nd ward. He asked me wheat I was doing. Of course, I have no clue, so I said I wasn't sure ... masters or PhD. I said I would take qualifying exams and see from there. And he asked about my husband, etc. When he found out that a) I might just end up getting a Masters and 2) we would be here a long time because of Katsu's schooling, he said there are lots of places to work here - he recommended a place that he was going to work out ... for one of the auto companies, or he said I could be a nanny - his wife was one and made almost $25 an hour. This is perhaps what I found funniest(?) of all. I am sure he was just being well-meaning, but I found it hilarious. What if I suggested that after receiving his Master's degree, instead of that well-paying job in AZ that he was going to take, he be a nanny! Ha ha ha. What a conundrum, but perhaps expresses the feelings I feel quite nicely. I really fell stuck between a few different worlds here. On one hand ... I am a Mormon, I do wnat to have children, and ideally I want to stay home with them. On the other hand, I am in a masters/doctoral program in electrical engineering at a top university with a full fellowship and am doing well. And these two seem often contradictory at times, especially now when I know people who are in both places - Mormon and in engineering graduate school, albeit they are all men. I think they see me as a sort of misfit. Not quite sure how I belong - but then, again, am I really sure of this either. Anyways, I should go study for my quiz that is in half an hour.
Bye!
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3 comments:
That story is classic... gave me a good laugh although part of me is boiling inside. Doesn't it just make you want to stick out the PhD program?!? The whole situation is so weird. Its bad enough that academia can be brutal to women in graduate school and beyond... do we really need our classmates who hold similar values to suggest a nanny job post graduation?
I can't tell you how long it took for people in the ward to stop assuming that we moved to Columbus for MY job, not to go to school or for Justin's work. Now I think they all just assume we don't want children. Again, not true (and nevermind I'm only 24!). The only church interaction where I have been and said that I was looking at a PhD program and had left my husband at home for the weekend was at a ward in Cambridge... they didn't even bat an eye!
So I hit the enter button too soon. I was going to follow up by saying that I know how you feel, I really do. I also want to remind you that whether or not you are in or out of school, you may always struggle to find your place between the two worlds. Even if you never work a day in your life after graduate school, staying home with kids isn't going to change the fact that you are a very intellegent woman who gets a lot out of the formal learning process. You may need to rethink how much you work, how much Katsu works, etc but you don't have to choose one over the other forever... your kids will have the coolest science fair projects and you will be one of the more empathetic engineers. How is that a bad thing? Just my two cents.
Hey, dearie. That's pretty funny.
I've been meaning to call you, but things are CRAZY. I will soon, though, I promise!
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